Anti-Masturbation Diet by Elizabeth Brown, MS, RD

A Conversation Starter

During my culinary training, my classmates and I were making a dessert using graham crackers when one of my classmates, who always had interesting trivia tidbits for every occasion, said, “You know that graham crackers were developed to keep boys from masturbating.” I thought this was a hilarious fact. I vowed that one day I would put it in an article and now it is time.

While working on my Food Network audition video, I decided to make Crunchy Corn Flake Chicken Fingers and Chocolate Peanut Butter Tofu Pie with a graham cracker crust. I had no idea, initially, that both corn flakes and graham crackers were invented by two like-minded individuals with the sole purpose of keeping sex off the minds of young boys.

Around 1830, Presbyterian preacher Sylvester Graham created his self-named wafers in the hopes of quelling the urges of horny young men. Seventh Day Adventist, John Harvey Kellogg, the inventor of the popular Corn Flakes cereal, had such disdain for sex that he never even consummated his own marriage. Sorry, fellas but I think it takes much more than crackers and cereal to keep sex off the minds of testosterone-driven young men.

For centuries, young boys have been discouraged from this “act” as they were told it could result in permanent vision loss. In 1994, Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders, was fired by President Clinton, of all people, when she commented that masturbation should be taught as part of the sexual education curriculum. A year later, May was designated the month for this healthy act in recognition of Dr. Elders’ courage to speak up about the matter.

To live a truly happy life means everything should be taken in moderation and with a grain of salt. Most of us may not agree with Graham and Kellogg, but that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy the nutritious nibbles they bestowed upon us, especially when doing so brings up lively conversation.

Maybe next time you’re at party you can take these treats as you impress your friends with: “You know that graham crackers were invented…”

Crunchy Corn Flake Chicken Fingers  

1 pound chicken breast, cut into 1/2 inch wide, 3 inch long strips
1 cup flour, your choice
2 teaspoons paprika
1teaspoon ground black pepper
1/2 teaspoon sea salt
2 cups almond milk
or milk of your choice
2 Tablespoons lemon juice or apple cider vinegar
2 Tablespoons Dijon mustard
2 cups corn flakes,
crushed (or flake cereal of your choice)

Mix flour with paprika, salt and pepper.
Place corn flakes or other flake cereal in a plastic bag. Crush with a rolling pin or with the back of a pot.
Pour milk, lemon juice or vinegar and mustard into a bowl. Mix with a fork. Rinse chicken under running water and pat dry.
Dredge chicken in seasoned flour. Place in milk mixture to coat thoroughly and make a paste. Roll in cornflake crumbs.
Set on baking tray lined with parchment paper. Bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes. Makes eight servings: 200 calories, 6g fat, 14g protein, 24g carbs, 2g fiber

Chocolate Peanut Butter Tofu Pie

1 1/2 cups graham crackers, crushed (9 whole sheets)
2 Tablespoons olive oil or Sunflower oil
2 Tablespoons ground flax
2 Tablespoons water
OR 6 Tablespoons butter,
In place of canola oil, flax and water
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. In a mixing bowl, combine graham cracker crumbs and either melted butter or canola, flax and water. Mix well until all crumbs are moist. Press into 9″ pie pan. Bake for 8-10 minutes until crust is firm. Allow crust to cool before filling with tofu mixture.Filling
1 (12 ounce) package extra firm silken tofu
1/2 cup chocolate chips (3 ounces)
OR in place of chocolate chips try;
3 Tablespoons dark, organic cocoa + 3 Tablespoon sugar + 2 Tablespoons Butter = 1/2 cup
1/2 cup peanut butter
(you can omit peanut butter and simply double the chocolate)
2 Tablespoons milk (to facilitate blending ingredients)

Melt the chocolate chips (or cocoa, sugar and butter) in a metal bowl set over a pot of boiling water over medium-low heat, stirring frequently until fully melted. You can use a double boiler if you have one. Once the chocolate is melted, blend together the peanut butter, silken tofu, chocolate and milk in blender until smooth and creamy, adding a bit more milk if necessary. Consistency should be like thick pudding. Once pie is filled, place it in the refrigerator for at least one hour, up to one day, to set. Divide into sixteen servings: 150 calories, 8g fat, 5g protein, 15g carbs, 3g fiber.


  1. Found your blog through KrizzyDesigns- she’s working on my makeover right now!

    That little tid bit made me laugh out loud. I’m definitely going to share that one next time I get the chance!!

    So did you audition for Next Food Network Star? I love that show but I haven’t been able to watch this season yet!

  2. Anonymous says:

    With a title like that you sure got my attention. Now I’m going to try your recipe for the chicken.

  3. Okay….I never, ever would have thought of that! That is too much.

    They should send some graham crackers to england…they have a new masturbation pamphlet going around.